DEAR ABBY: Every time my brother or another relative calls or visits, they deliver uninterruptible lectures on subjects we disagree on. There is no real conversation or exchange of ideas. I’ve told them I don’t discuss politics, etc., and interrupted their lecture (which I’ve heard many times before) to say I have to go, but they keep talking.
Once I said I was hanging up, but I’m not sure my brother heard me. He was angry and offended when I did. If I introduce a new topic in the middle of the lecture, they will morph it into something to lecture on within a minute.
They never have facts or data behind their “what’s wrong with the world” views. The lectures become tense for both of us, as they try to “sell” their points of view and I become frustrated at the whole process. Any advice? — SISTER WHO’S HEARD IT ALL
DEAR SISTER: You stated that you have asked these relatives not to discuss topics that make you uncomfortable. Because they can’t resist doing it anyway, screen your calls and talk to them less often.
Just because someone phones does not mean you must talk to them, but if you are trapped, tell the person you can talk only for 10 minutes. When that time has elapsed, say goodbye and hang up. If someone is offended by this, remind them that they were warned.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
